


The Theatre

by Nutellacookie



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Denial, Depression, F/F, Heavy Angst, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:54:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26374537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nutellacookie/pseuds/Nutellacookie
Summary: Asami's best friend has been gone for two years now after being involved in a life changing car accident, and Asami wasn't quite the same ever since she left.She couldn't put her finger on it, but she felt something different each time the tan girl came to mind, something stronger.An identity crises, a bisexual revelation... A lot seemed to change in the time they spent apart.Will she even be able to face her again? Will Korra even come back at all?
Relationships: Korra/Asami Sato
Comments: 32
Kudos: 209





	1. Hold on- Chord Overstreet

**Author's Note:**

> I'm putting a HUGE TW on this story, and from now on I write freely... Just please don't read it if it's problemtic to you.
> 
> A few notes before I start:  
> 1\. As always I'm open to criticism, HOWEVER, unlike the rest of my stories this one is kinda personal? A lot of it has to do with my experience with denial, depression and such. So come after my writing all you want, but please not for this kind of content.
> 
> 2\. No smutt. Unlike the rest of my stories, I didn't put it in there.
> 
> 3\. This is some heavy shit really, if that bothers you, don't read it.
> 
> 4\. I'm adding a song's name and a quote each time:) cause I listen to sad music while writing this and thought I'd share it with you.
> 
> So anyway, hope you enjoy!

Asami _loved_ the theatre.

There was something about that place... So _magical_. Watching other people's stories fascinated her, and she couldn't help but wonder what stood behind the writing: _heartbreak_? _Trauma_? _Love_? _Friendship_? She was simply _amazed_ by the way people turned their tragedies into a work of art.

While sitting in the crowd and watching, Asami found herself wondering what made the author start writing. Perhaps it was their _stress_ reliever, their way to _cope_ , their way to _digest_.

Maybe it was just their way to express themselves, to show the world what's going on in their head, what they're going through.

She loved all of the performances she watched, even the less popular ones, because every time she watched one, she could feel the author's story playing behind it.

She _loved_ the theatre, she loved it so much she would stay late nights in there. Not necessarily watching anything, just surrounded by the place's _warmth_. It wasn't a _physical_ warmth, but something different... _Emotional_. The place just put her mind at ease, filled the hollowness she felt within her for the past couple of years.

She was so _intrigued_ by what other people told there, that she started writing herself. Pouring all of the emotions onto the blank paper, writing down a _script_ that would never be _read_ , never be _performed_ , never be _seen_.

So, where does the story of _Asami_ _Sato's tradgedy_ begins?

Long ago, about two years maybe, she was at the gym with her best friend. She wasn't working out by any means. Instead, she did find herself staring at her friend, mesmorized by the way Korra hit the punching bag... _Relentless_ , _strong_. The heiress watched her in admiration, noticing every single detail: from the slight _frown_ on her concentrated face, to the single drop of _sweat_ dripping from her forhead and onto her _sharp_ jawline, to the way her biceps _flexed_ with every punch. Every now and then, her muscle shirt lifted ever so slightly, revealing her strongly defined abdominal, and Asami watched her in awe. She didn't think it was _odd_ , her best friend was beautiful, and she knew how to _appreciate_ it.

"I think if you'll continue, you'll over extract yourself," Asami mused.

" _Oops_ ," Korra laughed in response, leaving her fighting stance, "I always go a little extra when I know you're watching," she said with a smirk.

"My _my_ , are you trying to _impress_ me?" The pale girl said with a certain glint in her eyes.

"Mmm, only you," she stated with a grin, offering Asami a hand which she gracefully took and allowed herself be pulled upwards into a standing position.

"If you weren't going to work out, why would you put on your sports gear?" Korra mocked and gestured to Asami's red sports bra and tight leggings.

"I look _good_ in my workout clothes," Asami answered with an arrogant smirk, "besides, I love watching you punch the shit out of the bag, it's... Relaxing."

At that, something in Korra's gorgeous ocean eyes seemed to lit up, and an even wider smirk appeared on her face. "You _love_ watching _me_?" She repeated, hopeful and emberessed.

"That I do," she affirmed, a small smile playing on her lips, "you look good while working out."

"Not as good as you look at _any_ given moment," Korra said sheepishly, rubbing the back of her neck.

Asami rolled her eyes. "You're such a _flirt_ ," she teased.

"Only for you." Korra said with a playful smile. "So, what's next? _Weights_?"

"Yes please!" The pale girl said enthusiastically.

" _Only_ if you lift with me."

" _Aww_ ," Asami stuck her bottom lip out in a pout "you _know_ I can't lift."

Actually, that was a _lie_. Asami would consider herself stronger then the average girl. Not _Korra_ strong of course, but she was able to lift just fine. However, she didn't let Korra know that, because if she _did_...

"I'll help you," she suggested with a smile.

... Then _that_ wouldn't happen.

The thing is, Asami always _really_ enjoyed Korra's touch, so _tender_ and _warm_... She loved it when her hands were on her, helping her lift the weights, or... Just in general.

" _Fine_ , if you insist." Smiled Asami, taking her hand and letting herself to be led by her grinning best friend, unable to look away if she wanted to, but it's not like she _wanted_ to. Korra was always pleasent to look at, _hypnotizing_ even, so why would she look away?

At some point, Korra caught her eyes, cerulean irisis clashing with emerald, and slowly Korra's croaked grin turning into a knowing smirk as Asami was caught staring. But Asami didn't mind, and she knew that Korra didn't mind either.

"Here we are," the tan girl gestured to the dumbbells, grabbing two 10 pounds weights and handing them to Asami, who grimced in response.

" _Too heavy_ ," she complained, hoping it would earn her more _dedicated_ assistant from her friend.

And thankfully, that worked. After Korra handed her the dumbbells, she stepped from behind her, her hands were softly placed under Asami's and her front was fully pressed against Asami's back. The warmth of her best friend behind her was so _comforting_ that she had to actively stop herself from closing her eyes and completely submitting into The pleasant sensation. Instead, she attempted to focus on her movements, but that proved to be a difficult task with how closely Korra was supporting her, how she could Korra's palms on her, how she felt Korra's soft breath against her ear, how Asami could feel the _flex_ of her biceps with every lift... It was all too _distracting_.

Someone passed by, giving the pair a weird look, one that boiled Asami's gut.

" _Ignore_ him," Korra whispered, resting her chin on the crook of the heiress's neck, "he just doesn't _understand_ our _friendship_."

And how could Asami blame him? She wasn't certain she understood this friendship herself. It was so _different_ then anything she ever experienced, so _complex_. From bubbling _jealousy_ and _hatred_ towards the girl dating her ex, to _silence admiration_ , to something that felt a little _stronger_ then just close friendship, something that went deeper.

But it was normal, _right_? She didn't have many friends growing up, and Korra was the first girl that didn't despite her the moment they met.

Well, she did... But for a _different_ reason. And she soon came around.

"Understandable," Asami laughed, "aren't we a complicated pair?"

"Mm, the _most_ ," she affirmed, and Asami could practically _hear_ the giant grin in her tone.

After a while, Asami reluctantly kneeled and put the weights down with her best friend still close behind her. She did so because as much as she _enjoyed_ Korra's physical contact, her arms were getting _sore_.

When she stood back up, she was met with an adorable, _flustered_ Korra, her cheeks flushing bright red and her eyes a little wide, glued to Asami's body.

" _What_?" She demanded with a quirked eyebrow, folding her arms.

" _N-nothing_!" Korra stammered, which caused Asami's heart to swell from how cute her friend was being.

" _Dork_." She rolled her eyes and smirked. "What's next?"

" _Butt exercises_." Korra stated, then she slapped a hand on her mouth, her face turning to an even more defined shade of bronze red and her eyes widened even more.

Asami had to bite back her smile, the sight of the usual confident Korra being such a blubbering mess always made _affection_ and _pride_ fill her, knowing she was the only one making Korra this way. She assumed Korra just wouldn't _allow_ this side of herself to show whilst being around _other_ people, considering how suprised they were to hear about _flustered Korra_ whenever Asami found herself talking about her best friend.

It was a side of Korra that was reserved to Asami's eyes _only_ , Korra probably only felt comfortable enough to express it around _her_ , that's just how close the two were.

So what would Asami do if not _tease_ her friend?

"Only if you _help me_ with my _form_ ," she said playfully, and Korra seemed to choke on the words, and though before Asami wasn't sure if it was even possible, her blush deepened.

"Is that a yes?" Asami continued with her teasing, though she had to admit that if Korra agreed, she'd gracefully allow Korra to ' _help_ _her_ '.

She didn't speak, she didn't seem _capable_ of getting out a word at the moment. Instead, she gave the heiress an _enthusiastic_ , somewhat _eager_ nod.

And there it was again, that _urge_ , the thing she felt that she didn't even know what it was. It was like a flash going through her mind, in which she _grabbed_ her friend and pulled her into a _searing, bruising kiss_. Or was it a _tight hug_? She wasn't sure, those flashes always _came_ and _went_ so fast that she didn't even know what exactly happened there.

But it was _normal, right_? She knew she didn't like girls that way, she was certain she was attracted to boys. Her brain was probably mixing platonic and romantic feelings because of how close the two are, wasn't it? That was that, _nothing_ else.

"Asami?" Korra waved a hand infront of her eyes, and she blinked, snapping back from her haze.

"I'm sorry, you were saying?" Asami smiled apologetically.

"Oh, I just asked if you're alright," she laughed, "you were in this weird sort of _trance_ for a second."

"I was just _daydreaming_ ," chuckled Asami, and thankfully, Korra didn't push on the subject. She just nodded and gestured for Asami to follow her, moving away a little to not bother those who used the weights. Korra never ended up helping Asami with her form, the moment Asami did her first squat, Korra turned into a blushing, blubbering _mess_. Asami wasn't sure what initiated this reaction, but found it _endearing_ nevertheless.

After that however, they decided that it was enough for one day, and exited the gym. Unfortunately, Korra was heading to the opposite direction, so that's were they had to part ways.

" _Hey_ Asami?" She herd her best friend's voice as they hugged tightly.

"Yeah?" Asami mumbled.

She paused.

" _I love you,_ "

She couldn't help but smile, a warm feeling spreading in her chest and all throughout her body. She pulled away, just to lock eyes with those _gorgeous_ , sapphire irisis.

"I love you too," she said tenderly with a huge grin, "you're my _best_ _friend_ in the _world_ ," _you're everything to me._

Korra smiled, a hint of saddnes hiding behind her lips, though Asami wasn't sure _why_. Did she not believe her? But Asami had meant every word, every sentiment... What was _wrong_?

But nevertheless, Korra leaned upwards to kiss her cheek, a kiss Asami had been content with, feeling the ghost of those brown lips even after they left. And she smiled, watching her best friend turn around to leave, walking with her head down and her hands in her pockets.

_Everything happened so fast_.

Korra must've been _distracted_ , she was always such a careful person, but this time she didn't do as much as _look_.

And the driver... He sped away before Asami was able to memorize his license plate. Not that it mattered, she doubted she could do anything productive with her brain at the moment, she was barely able to run to her friend's side and drag her away from the road.

Everything was _alright_ a few _moments ago_... Her mind pounded with the thought, her entire body trembling from the _adrenaline_ pumping through her veins.

A few moments ago, she was hugging her best friend. How could it be that now, she was covered in said friend's _blood_?

She could _barely_ remember what happened, everything seemed so blurry. She wasn't functional enough to do anything useful at the moment. Thankfully, the strangers who witnessed the accident were functional enough to call 911, and within what felt like ages but was probably just a few minutes, the ambulance arrived.

As soon as it did however, the medics attempted to drag Asami away, and intellectually, she knew she should've _let them_ do it, let them _help_ , but she still struggled out of their grip, her mind _consumed_ with the thought with one thought only:

_Gotta get to Korra._

"Who are you to her?" One of the paramedics asked as the other started moving her friend.

"I'm..." Asami blinked, her eyes locked on Korra's limp body. "I'm her _friend_."

He nodded. "Can you give us a number of a family member?"

" _I'm going with her_ ," the words fell out of her mouth without even meaning to, but they felt true, right. She _won't_ leave Korra's side, she... She _can't_.

"Of course," he affirmed, "but we do have to let her family know."

Asami nodded in agreement, spitting out the nine digits of Senna's number. She was good with numbers, understood them, so after the few times Korra used Asami's phone to dial her number, Asami already knew the number like the back of her hand.

And thank _god_ she memorized it, she wasn't sure she'd be able to function well enough to search for her contact info.

Her heart _pounded_ as she entered the ambulance, it pounded so hard that she was certain that any moment now, it'll stop thumping _all together_. She tried not to look back, but her eyes were drawn to Korra more and more, and each time she landed her eyes on Korra, she was suprised to find her still _unconscious_ , still _injured_ _._ Like each time Asami looked she was expecting Korra to be _alright_ out of nowhere, for it to be proven to be a dream, a _nightmare_.

But it wasn't, it was _actually_ _happening_ , it was _real_.

They arrived at the hospital in no time at all, and the moment they did, Asami got separated from her friend. No matter how much she fought, they dragged Korra away.

"I'm sorry, only _family_ can proceed," one of the nurses told her.

"Her family lives in the _south pole_ ," Asami insisted, desperatly trying to pass, trying to get close to Korra. "It'll be _hours_ until they manage to get here."

"I'm sorry," she smiled apologetically, "my hands are tied."

The nurse turned around to leave, but Asami stopped her immediately " _Wait_!" She called, her voice and hands shaking. "I-is she going to be okay? Just _tell me_ that she's going to be _okay_..."

Once again, the nurse just smiled apologetically, placing a hand on Asami's shoulder. "We'll do _whatever_ we can," she promised, then turned away and bolted, leaving Asami alone at the reception.

Realizing that it was just a half answer, that the nurse wasn't able to guarantee that Korra would be okay, the _tears_ she's been holding back the entire ride finally came flooding in. Her legs gave up and she fell to the ground, sobbing into her knees. She knew she looked _pathetic_ , clutching onto her knees and _sobbing_ on the hospital's floor, but she didn't _care_. All she wanted was her best friend back, her Korra back.

Though she witnessed the accident, she still wasn't sure what happened. It was almost like she didn't digest what happened in front of her up until now, and with the realization came _overwhelming_ amount of grief. She was finally digesting what was going on, finally able to _understand_ that Korra... Korra might _not_ make it.

She kept going back and forth on their last dialogue, it felt freakishly like a goodbye, like someone was playing a _sick_ and _twisted_ joke on her part. If there was a god, _writing down_ her _life_ _story_ , he must be really, _really_ _evil_ to pull _this_ off.

_"I love you,"_

_"I love you too."_

How _fucked up_ is that?

She was _vaguely_ aware of some _kind_ strangers helping her get up and leading her to the waiting room. She sat down, politely accepting the tissues offered to her with trembling hands. She was able to calm down at some point, but not for a _lack_ of _worry_ , it was more like she ran out _tears_ , ran out of _anguish_ to feel. So instead, she felt nothing, _numb_. Like she was _watching_ herself answer people's questions and smile at their jokes from the outside, an out of body experience.

_Sorrow_ wasn't a way to describe what she felt, a better word would be _nothing_ , just purely _nothing_.

The wait for Korra's parents, though it only took hours, felt like _decades_. By the time they arrived, Asami felt like she was a few years older, _exhausted_ , emotionally _drained_.

They thanked her, but only briefly, she knew they were worried, and she was worried too. Soon they rushed into the ER, and Asami had to wait longer for _updates_ , for _news_... But maybe it was a _good thing_ , right? If she was... _Gone_... The medical staff would surely _inform her_ about it... Right?

Her dad texted her relentlessly about her whereabout, and she briefly informed him that she was fine, but going to be away for a while. He asked why, but she didn't _bother_ answering. She just had to be here, if that's the _closest_ she can be to her _injured best friend_ , then _so be it_.

At last, she had been given access to go see Korra. She bolted up, walking in a fast enough pace to get to her quickly, but not enough for it to be impolite, after all, she _was_ at a hospital.

When she arrived to the room, the breath caught in her throat. Tonaraq holding his _sobbing_ wife, his eyes glassy with tears of his own. And Korra... Laying there, _unconscious_ , most of her body wrapped with bandages and casts, and she was connected to all sorts of _machines_. _At least her heart was beating_ , Asami tried to comfort herself while wrapping her arms around herself, but it was no use. All she wanted was to gaze into those _cerulean irisis_ once more, and it _pained_ her to know that Korra, the girl laying before her, was unable to do such a _simple_ thing.

Not that it mattered, because even a few days later when Korra woke up, the two didn't lock eyes once. In fact, Korra was looking anywhere else.

_Anywhere else_ , other then where _Asami_ was looking.

~~~~~~~~

_"I pull you in to feel your heartbeat,_  
_Can you hear me screaming 'please don't leave me'?"_


	2. Stay- Rihanna

Asami _loved_ the theatre.

She only just started going there, but found the place mesmorizing, comforting.

A few days after Korra... _Left_... She stumbled upon a flyer to a free performance, and well... It's not like she had anything _better_ to do.

She didn't have many expections going to watch it, but found herself fascinated. It was about two friends, facing a great loss, but it ended up just bringing them closer together and into each other's arms.

She got more invested in the story then she thought she would, considering how she never appreciated _romantic_ tropes, but this... It was almost like she related to the characters.

Though, she wasn't sure exactly _why_.

But the theatre helped her with her own sorrow. How could she feel _alone_ when she was surrounded with so many people? So many people that were relating to a story just like her? So many people who almost _understood_ her?

_Outside_ the theatre... Well, real life weren't as _pretty_.

She _hated_ herself for hurting the way she did. _Korra_ was the one who lost her ability to walk, perhaps _for good_. So why was _Asami_ so _angry_ with her departure? Why was she _mad_ at Korra for leaving her? Why was she so _selfish_ about this?

"I could come with you," Asami suggested, almost desperatly. "I don't _mind_ going to the south for a while." At least not as long as _you're_ there...

But Korra just shook her head, not looking at Asami directly. "It's something I need to do on my _own_ , I can't have any distractions, _sorry_." She answered dryly.

The rejection stang like _hell_ , but the pale girl nodded, kneeling down to hug her injured friend, a hug that Korra didn't return.

And on the next day, _Korra left._

Maybe _sadness_ wasn't the best way to describe what Asami had felt, she felt like a piece of her was torn away. Like she was _hollow_ , _numb_.

Korra was a _huge_ part of her life, she spent every waking moment either with her or thinking about her, so what now? What did she have left?

She tried filling the void, so she hang out with her other friends, but it wasn't quite the same. She enjoyed herself, she laughed with them, but she felt _empty_ inside, and the feeling of anguish kept creepping back to the surface.

" _Asami_?" Opal asked, worrying her bottom lip. "Are you alright? You seem... _Distant_."

"Oh," Asami blinked, fighting back tears, "yeah, I'm fine."

"You know you can tell me _anything_ , right?"

"I do, it's _just_..." She hesitated. "Have you heard from Korra yet?"

" _Oh_ ," Opal blinked "I text her a lot, she doesn't really _answer_ though... _Why_?"

"I just don't _understand_..." Asami sighed. "She's my _best friend_... Why isn't she _talking_ to me?"

Opal sighed, scooting over to Asami and wrapping an arm over her, rubbing her shoulder soothingly. "You can't take it _personally_ ," she said softly, "Korra is going through a lot right now..."

"If she's going through a lot, shouldn't she come to me for help?" Asami insisted, blinking away tears. "We've _never_ kept secrets from each other... _Have we_?"

Suddenly, Opal looked hesitent, maybe even guilty. But she soon shook her head no.

"She was in a _car accident_ Asami," she said with a gentle smile, "you can't _expect_ her to-"

"I _know_ she was in a car accident!" Asami snapped, tearing Opal's arm away and standing up to face the walls, unable to stop her streaming tears. "I'm the one that had to _witness_ _it_ _happen_!"

Opal stayed silent, probably at a lost of words. Asami knew she was being _unreasonable_ , she knew she was taking her _anger_ and _frustration_ on Opal, but she didn't _care_. Nothing mattered anymore, everything she did felt so _empty_ , everything was so _meaningless_.

Suddenly, her friend was behind her, hugging her tightly.

"I _know_ she means a lot to you," she said tenderly,"I know watching her get hurt was very _traumatic_..."

Asami snorted dissmisevly. "I'm _fine_ ," she lied, " _Korra's_ the one who got hurt. I'm just... I'm just a _crybaby_."

"Watching your _loved one_ get _hurt_ is much harder then getting hit by a car in some ways," Opal insisted, "you should find an outlet to your anguish, something to help you with what you're going through..."

_And so, she did_

_._

It took Asami a while to realize what kind of _plays_ she liked the best. And though she liked all sorts of plays, she found out that romantic plays had spoken to her best, at least in the beginning.

In the theatre, time flew by, unlike real life. Asami could've spent hours in there without even noticing, running away from real life, running away from facing her feelings.

Though she _admired_ the actors work, what _mostly_ interested her was the meaning behind the play. She could've easily spend hours trying to interpret it, but it could still hold so many different meanings that she could never know for sure.

Going to the theatre was _reliving_ in some ways. A lot of the times, Asami found herself relating to the told stories, though she wasn't always _sure_ what was it exactly that she _related_ to.

At some point, Bolin asked to go with Asami, but the heiress was hesitant about it. She felt like going there was such a _personal_ experience, and she wasn't sure she wanted someone else to go with her, see what's going through her mind. Maybe she would've invited Korra if she could, or actually maybe not. If she was completely _truthful_ , Asami wasn't sure she felt comfortable talking to Korra _freely_ anymore. Not that it mattered, considering how Korra didn't do as much as _text her back_ the entire time since she left.

But what was Asami supposed to tell Bolin? ' _Sorry, you can't come to a public theater with me because I'll feel like your seeing my thoughts'_? So, _reluctantly_ , she agreed.

Which proved to be a _mistake_.

"That was..." Bolin searched for his words. "... _Dark_."

"Was it?" Asami asked, a little confused. Sure, the play had to do with _grief_ , but she didn't think it was _that bad._

"Yes, _very_ ," he worried his bottom lip, "didn't you say you _relate_ to those kind of things?"

" _Uh..._ Yeah I _did_ say that, _didn't I?_ " Asami mused nervously, cursing internally over her _stupidity_. _Why_ did she tell him _that_? _What for?_

"Hey... _Asami_?" He asked, concerned. "Are you _okay_?"

" _I'm fine_ ," she answered quickly, almost like an instinct, a knee jerk reaction.

_But neither bought it._

That was the last time Asami invited _anyone_ to tag along with her.

She continued going to the theatre though.

And it was in the theatre, that she saw two girls kissing for the first time.

Well, not _exactly_. She was familiar with the consept of course, just never got to see any _representation_ of it portrayed in any sort of show or movie or even book. For some reason, Asami found it thrilling, mesmorizing. Something about that kiss was so _soft_ , so _sweet_ , it was so _different_ then any other on-screen kiss she'd ever seen, more relaxed, _comfortable_. And the actors did such a _good job_ out there, so much so that she had to wonder if they had real _passion_ towards one another, and for some reason, she _hoped_ they do.

But this wasn't even what caught her _attention_. The thing that really caught her interest was the fact that one of these girls already showed interest in a _male_ character.

For some reason, that intrigued her. Was it a thing? She wasn't quite sure. Maybe she was _uneducated_ , but it's not like people talk about those topics very often... Her father sure didn't, and it wasn't like the school was going to talk about those _sensetive_ subjects. They only taught what they deemed necessary, and for some reason, _sexuality_ wasn't among their _list_.

Her first instinct was to go ask the cast or the author of the play about it. But it wasn't possible, and even if it was, it seemed _rude_ or _ignorant_ to ask those kind of questions.

So she decided to ignore it, move on with her life. She chose to think that it was just for the _sake_ of the play. The director must've written it that way for drama and the effect of _suprise_. She told herself that that was it, and the scene didn't have any _factual_ truth in it. Because, for some reason, it hurt her head to think that it _did_.

Then she went home, to a big, empty mansion that even her father wasn't present in. He worked late, as usual.

This was Asami's _least favourite_ time of the day, going home at night. Somehow, when it was dark _outside_ , it made her feel _worse_ on the _inside_. And the empty halls didn't help in the slightest.

She was lonely all the time, but the dark, big empty house, just emphasized that fact.

Especially when at some point, Asami stopped seeing her friends altogether.

What was the point of it _anyway_? Given that her friends didn't even know her, all it did was make her feel even _more_ alone.

_Then again, nobody knew her, not really._

She didn't blame them though, at some point, she started feeling like she didn't know herself either.

So she spent most of her time in her room, staring at the ceiling and doing nothing. At first she tried catching up on sleep, but every time she managed to get some _rest_ , _peace_ wouldn't accompany it.

Meaning- she had nightmares, _so_ _many nightmares_.

She was already _emotionally drained_ , and the _exhaustion_ adding up to it was borderline too much. She almost started to regret her decision not to go to a therepist, but she honestly didn't think it would help. _Talking_ about it was scary, and she already felt terrible about being so _whiny_ about an accident that didn't even happen to _her_.

The last thing she needed was an outside source to tell her that she was just being _overdramatic_ , just like she knew she was.

Thankfully, her father wasn't home to absserve her odd behaviour most days, so when she told him she was fine he believed her and didn't urge her to go to therepy. When he was home, she would tell him she was going to meet with friends, then just sit at a park and stare at the air. It fitted her, she felt like _air_ most days anyway.

  
**_______**

Asami sighed.

It's been awhile since she's been at the gym. It made sense, this is where she last saw Korra.

This is where she saw Korra almost _lose her life._

She immediately pushed the thought aside. Recently she realised she's been thinking about Korra an awful lot, more then it seemed to be normal. Sure, they were very close, but all of their other friends seemed to move on, so she should too, right?

She sighed and approached the weights area. She still haven't heard from Korra, almost as if her best friend _tried_ to disappear. Asami hoped not, she missed her friend more then anything in the world, but if Korra was pulling away on purpose... What _could_ she do to stop her?

Then again, what did she do to _deserve_ this treatment?

  
_Maybe she shouldn't have gone to the gym_... She thought to herself. The place had so many _good_ memories attached to it that seemed _bitter_ in light of the recent events. But being that she was already there, she decided to just grab some weights and take out her frustration on something useful.

"I guess you don't need _my help_ lifting anymore, do you?"

She gasped, almost dropping her dumbbells on the floor. This is _impossible_... Was the only thought pulsing through her mind as she reluctantly turned around. But there she was, her best friend, _grinning_ from ear to ear, her hair tied into her familiar wolf tails and her brilliant sapphire eyes _gleaming_.

" _Korra_?" She asked, not believing her own eyes.

" _Hey_ , Asami," she answered, rubbing the back of her neck.

She drank Korra in. It's only been a year since she left, yet it felt like it was a _lifetime_ ago. Yet, something about Korra was different then last she saw her- she was smiling, and looked genuine _happy_ as well as _nervous_ , which was new. After the accident, Korra didn't seem to be feeling much of _anything_. Her expression was always _blank_ , unreadable. And instead of the _fire_ that usually burned in those vibrant azure eyes, there was a look of _emptiness_ to them.

But then, she noticed a _key difference_. So major that she wasn't sure how she didn't notice it first.

"You're _walking_ ," Asami stated with awe, her eyes flickering down to her friend's now working legs, as if she had to see it with her own eyes to believe it.

Then, she saw her friend's legs move forward, and Asami raised her head, and a soft gasp left her throat as she came face to face with Korra, just a few inches away from her face.

"Hey, _Asami_?" She smiled, bringing their foreheads together.

Asami gulped, feeling blood rush to her cheeks " _Y-yeah_...?"

_Pause._

" _I love you."_

Asami's eyes widen, feeling a warm feeling spread inside her chest. Korra was _here_ , she was _walking_ , she was _happy_.

And she _loved_ her.

" _I love you too_ ," Asami answered softly, and the words tasted so right on her tongue. How come she didn't realize sooner? Of course she _loved_ _Korra_ , she loved Korra with all of her heart.

No reply came from the other girl, but Asami could feel her presence. Korra inched closer, painfully slow, and Asami felt her eyes close on their own. The tan girl paused, allowing her lips to hover right next to Asami, so close that their breaths entangled. So close that their noses would occasionally brush.

And then, finally, she closed the distance. All kind of feelings flooded Asami as her best friend kissed her _firmly_ \- _Relief, excitement, love_. Her heartbeat picked up and she felt like _fireworks_ exploded behind her eyes. It felt so good, so _right_ , like it was meant to be, _meant_ to _happen_. The kiss was soft, tender, and Asami couldn't help but ask herself why she hadn't _done it_ sooner, what _stopped her_.

But suddenly, the warm lips were _gone_ , and Asami was greeted with the stab of cold air. She opened her eyes, but Korra wasn't there at all, in fact, the entire gym was abondaned.

" _Korra?"_ She asked, terrified.

_But no reply came._

Asami gulped, warm tears starting to burn in her eyes. She barged outside, meeting an empty lifeless street. Empty, besides a few ambulances, carrying a covered body.

" _No_..." Her voice broke and her knees went weak. She was _alright_... She was _fine_ just a moment ago...

" _Why didn't you tell me_?" A cold, angry voice echoed through the sky, accompanied with thunders. It was so foreign and enraged, that it took Asami a moment to recognize who it was.

" _Korra_...?" She sobbed, looking around. But she was nowhere to be found, and sudden everything started crumbling around Asami and turned to darkness.

" _Why didn't you tell me_?" The voice demended again, this time more threatening and angry.

" _I don't know_!" The heiress cried out, her hands holding her face " _Why_ did you _leave_...? _Why_ did you leave _me_...?" She sobbed into them.

She woke up with a loud gasp, cold sweat dripping from her forhead, her eyes filled with tears. She snapped her head to look at the time, realizing it was only 22:03 and she probably just fell asleep from how exhausted she was.

_This dream_... It was different then the nightmares she had, different then those momentarily _urges_ she used to get about Korra. She could _deny_ those, _twist_ the _meaning_ of them. But now there was no doubt about it- In her dream she _kissed_ Korra.

And she _liked it_.

It didn't make any _sense_ though, she _always_ liked boys. Sure, girls were pretty, but she was _definitely_ attracted to boys... Maybe it was just a _dream_? No meaning attached to it?

_Somehow, she doubted it._

Burrying her face in her palms, she tried to get her brain straight, _pun not intended_. But her mind was _racing_ , a _million thoughts_ flooding her brain without giving her any time to _breath_ and _digest_ it all.

She knew she cared about Korra deeply, she knew Korra wasn't _just_ a _friend_ to her, but...

_"I love you too,"_

Did it really go to _this_ extent? Was it even _possible_?

Then, her mind went back to the _performance_ she watched a few weeks ago.

Thinking that it might give her the answers she's been looking for, she bolted out of the bed. Powering her computer on and sitting down, opening Google search and typing one, _simple question_.

_"Can you like boys and girls?"_

She clicked on the first link, and her breath _hitched_.

_"... The attraction to two genders, most commonly, men and women..."_

_"... Could be expressed in either a sexual attraction..."_

_The looks._

_"... Or a romantic attraction..."_

_The urges._

She exited the page, her heart starting to beat faster. She extended her shaking hands to search for one more thing.

_"The defenition of love"_

_"...Attraction based on sexual desire..."_

_"...A feeling of warm personal attachment or a deep connection to a person..."_

_"... Passionate affection towards another person..."_

She closed the computer, her hands trembling.

" _Why me_?" The question fell from her lips before she was able to stop it, and she immediately felt bad. She wasn't _homophobic_ , at least, she didn't _think_ she was. But her life was so _simple_ so far, and for some reason, it was much easier to accept this thing in other people then to accept in herself.

Asami didn't know what was it exactly that she felt. _Anxious? Scared? Disgusted? Foreign?_

But whatever it was, she _hated_ that feeling, all she wanted was for it to be _gone_. For this supposed _revelation_ to stop, for those _things_ she thought about her _best friend_ to _disappear_.

So she did the _one thing_ that came to mind. The _thing_ she never thought she'd _ever_ do again.

_She called Mako._

She felt broken, and needed someone to fix her, needed someone to fill that huge _pit_ in her stomach.

And thank god it wasn't _that_ late, and that when it came to those kind of _things_ , Mako never asked many questions.

It wasn't a smart choice, nor was it a _healthy_ one. But she _had_ to do _something_ , she couldn't keep _feeling_ this way, she couldn't keep _living_ like this. She needed her mind _cleared out_ , she needed to _stop feeling_.

It was only after he left, that she realized what a _dumb_ desicion she made.

It's not that he was that _terrible_ in bed, he was... _Alright_ , but Asami just didn't feel a _difference_. Being on top of him, all she could think about was _Korra_. Being beneath him, all she pictured was being _pressed_ under this gorgeous _tan skin_. Staring into his eyes, her mind transformed _amber_ into _blue_.

And there she was, right after. She was standing at the mirror, staring at her own _damn_ reflection in it, but it felt so _foreign_. She saw a _girl_ , a girl with black wavy hair, with _empty_ green eyes, _smeared_ mascara and _completely_ _naked_. But what she didn't see was _herself_.

She wasn't crying anymore, almost like she didn't have any _tears_ left in her to cry. She felt ashamed, _ashamed_ for reversing to her _toxic ex,_ _ashamed_ for using _sex_ as a _coping mechanism_ , _ashamed_ of being _in love_ with her _best_ _friend_.

Or, rather, _ex best friend_ , considering that they haven't _spoken_ in _a year_.

She wanted to go back, go back to her _comfortable denial_ , go back to before the accident, go back to her old self. The _happy_ , _confident_ and not _heartbroken_ version of her.

" _Why me_?" She asked again. So many people on the face of the planet, why _her_? Hadn't she been through _enough_? Did she deserve it?

She'd do _anything_ to stop feeling this way... And when the realisation hit her, she could feel her eyes being _drawn_ to the medicine cabinet, as much as she tried to _tear them away_.

_This isn't right_ , she scolded herself, _you shouldn't... You can't..._

_But... Why not?_

It was such a _simple_ solution, just like that, and _everything_ will be _gone_. Everyone will be better off without her anyway, they probably wouldn't even _notice_ her gone.

What did she have to live for? A _broken heart_ and a feeling of _numbness_? What was life good for, if she didn't even _feel_ like herself anymore?

It'll just be weight of the chest for anyone she knows, one less _burden_ , one less _problem_. It wouldn't make a difference to them, life goes on, and she couldn't go on with it anymore, she was just _stuck_ behind.

She couldn't live like this anymore, so why _should_ she?

She opened her phone, her fingers trembling as she typed out _'I'm_ _sorry...'_ to the only person she could think about those last months. Then, she extended a shaking arm, reaching for the medicine cabinet and opening it, scanning the cabinet with her eyes. She grabbed the first headche medication she could find, and emptied it. Popping all of the pills to her mouth.

Finally feeling at _ease_ , she sat down on the bathroom floor, leaning her head against the wall and closing her eyes. For a moment she thought she heard something, but she pushed the thought aside, allowing darkness to take her for the last time.

~~~~~~~~~

_"Funny, you're the broken one, but I'm the only one who needed saving."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :(


	3. Unsteady- X Ambassadors

Slowly, Asami opened her eyes. She wasn't sure _where_ she was at the moment, all she knew at that moment was that her head pounded so hard that she couldn't think past it.

She spotted her father on a chair right next to her bed, and he looked terrible– _more_ bags under his eyes then usual, his usually slicked hair was a _mess_ and he was leaning against the backrest of his chair with his eyes close. Was she in a hospital? What was she doing at the hospital?

Then, it all came back to her.

_The dream... Mako... her breaking point..._

_... The pills._

She tried calling her dad, but her throat was _painfully_ dry. Squinting her eyes shut, she got up on her elbows, a wince going through her face as she did. The sudden movement seemed to wake her father up, because she suddenly heard his vague voice.

" _Don't move, I'll call someone_."

He sounded relieved, but still hurt. Why didn't she think of _him_ when she did what she did? Why was she this _selfish_?

Her now open eyes followed him as he pressed a button, probably alerting the medical staff, then he sat back down, taking her hand.

" _Why_?" He asked, and Asami could hear how hard he was trying to speak softly and repress how hurt he was.

"It just seemed _easier_ ," she said in a raspy whisper, " _I'm sorry_."

Her father purses his lips together and nodded, obviously doing his best to not let his emotions show.

The medical staff arrived soon after for a quick checkup, asking how she is, informing her about what happened, telling her she was lucky that her father got home when he did and asking whether or not it was a suicide attempt, a question that went unanswered on Asami's part.

Though, her _silence_ was an answer in it of itself.

"Your friends are here, waiting outside," her father informed as soon as the doctors left, "also that _Mako_ boy you used to date, I tried to kick him away but he was persistent."

Asami almost laughed at this. _Of_ _course_ Mako was here, it made perfect sense considering what happened moments after their... _Yeah_.

"They want to see you," he continued, "can I send them in while I talk to the doctors?"

Asami gulped, then nodded. She was terrified to face her friends, scared to see they're reactions, but if it was the other way around, she'd like to pay them a visit too.

With that, her father left the room, and only a few moments later, Opal and Bolin entered it. Opal eyes were glassy with tears and Bolin's eyes were puffy and red. After a few moments, a _hesitant_ Mako entered the room as well.

" _Hey_ ," Asami offered.

The moment she spoke, Opal burst into even more tears and sprinted forward. Practically falling on Asami and crying into her shoulder.

" _I'm sorry_ ," Asami said again, resting her hands On the small of Opal's back lazily in am attempt to comfort her.

"Don't you _ever_ scare me like that." Opal said shakily pulling back, water still streaming from her eyes, "I don't know what I would've _done_ without you _if_..." Her voice broke and she returned her head to Asami's shoulder, sobbing again.

_It's not like we see each other anymore,_ was Asami's initial instinct. _And who's fault is that?_ Was her second thought. But she didn't say any of that, not wanting to worry her friends further or make them feel even more guilty. After all, it's not their doing, she did it to herself.

" _Was_..." Mako hesitated, "Was it _my_ fault?"

" _No_ ," Asami shook her head, "if anything, it was my fault."

"We should've known," Bolin said, pulling his nose, "you were getting so _distant_ lately and we just _thought_..."

"...We thought you just needed some _space_ ," Opal completed.

"I did," Asami affirmed, "or at least I _wanted_ space... Everything was just _too much_ all of a sudden and I _couldn't_..." Her eyes started burning with tears, "... I _couldn't_ handle it."

"What happened?" Opal asked.

Asami hesitated. Should she tell them? Is it too early? What if they react _poorly_? What if they'll start treating her _differently_? Was she even _okay_ with it _herself_?

Probably not, _but_... They deserve _answers_.

"I uh... I found out that um... _I think I_ _like_ _girls_." It was the first time she said it aloud, and the moment she did, self doubt started creeping to her. What if she didn't _really_ like girls? What if she just thought girls were _pretty_? What if her mind was just telling her that she did for the _attention_? What if she was going through a _phase_ and then she'd have to tell everyone that she was, in fact, _straight_?

Opal looked _shocked_ , her mouth hanging open like she wasn't expecting that at all. Bolin was mildly _suprised_ , but Mako, Mako just looked _confused_.

"Wait... Are you _just now_ figuring it out?" He said, raising an eyebrow.

All three of them turned to him, not expecting Mako to have this _odd_ reaction. He just continued staring at Asami with a _questioning gaze_ , until she broke and asked him.

"What do you mean?"

"I can't be the _only one_ who thought Asami and Korra were _dating_ until the accident broke them up... _Right_?" He said nervously, scratching his head.

Before Asami could begin to feel shocked by his words, Opal already spoke. "I heard the _rumors_... But Korra assured me they weren't true..." She mumured.

That got Asami's attention, and she straightened her back, " _Rumors_?" She demanded, "and Korra _knew_ about them?"

"Um _she did_..." Opal affirmed, "but she asked me not to tell you."

" _Why_?" Asami demanded, her hands fisting into her blanket.

"... _I can't tell you_."

Asami sighed, leaning back and rubbing her still aching temples. _Of_ _course_ Korra didn't want her to know, why would she? It's not like Korra wanted her to think that they are something _more_ then just friends, because they're not, and Korra doesn't want them to be.

" _Speaking_ of Korra..." She started, changing the subject, "have you guys told her about... _This_?"

Every face in the room fell, as if they almost _forgot_ what brought them all here. And the three stayed quiet, that, until Opal shook her head.

"I was about to call her," she admitted, "then your father told us we can come in and every other thought just flew out of my mind, I'll call her right now."

" _No don't_." Asami quickly stoped her, grabbing her wrist. " _Please_ don't tell her."

" _What_?" Bolin said, stunned "She's your _best friend_ , shouldn't she know what happened?"

" _She's_..." Asami bit the inside of her cheek, trying to hold back tears, "She's _not_ my best friend."

" _Asami_..."

"I don't even think we're _friends_ anymore," she continued, ignoring Opal's plea, "besides, she has _enough_ on her mind, I don't want her to have to worry about _me_..."

_Reluctantly_ and after _a lot_ of convincing, her friends (and Mako) agreed. Then, Asami had to assure Opal about a _million_ _times_ that she'll never try something like that again. Which was no problem to her, because seeing her friends and father's reactions made her feel _guilty_ about even _thinking_ about it.

After that, they stayed for awhile, making promises to never leave her alone like that again. Her father got back too at some point, telling her that the doctors recommend to send her to a mental hospital since he wasn't around all the time. Asami freaked out when he told her that, crying and _begging_ him to not to send her there. He persisted, saying that he was scared to come home and find out she tried something again, which was justified, but Asami couldn't go to a mental hospital, she _couldn't_. So her friends, _bless them_ , promised him that they'll keep her company every day until he gets back. Asami wanted to _protest_ , but she didn't have many options at that point, so she said nothing.

When it gotten late, her friends went home. Her father insisted to stay, but fell asleep pretty early on. Asami, however, couldn't sleep, her head was still _killing her_ and about a million different thoughts flooded her mind at any given moment, so she decided to check her phone. She wasn't really expecting to find anything interesting, but when she saw she got a text from Korra, her heart started racing and the breath caught in her throat.

\--sun--  
**Asami** [14:43]:  
_I miss you, it's not the same in Republic City without you... How are you feeling_?

\-- _mon_ \---  
**Asami** [19:43]:  
_Just saw the weirdest play, and it kinda reminded me of u? Idk lol_

\-- _yesterday_ \--  
**Asami** [23:12]:  
_... I'm sorry._

\-- _Today_ \--  
**Korra** [00:01]  
_Don't be sorry, I'm sorry if anything... I know I don't answer I just... I never know what to say. I'm going through a lot right now, just give me time, ok?_

Asami almost felt like laughing at this. _Of_ _course_ Korra answered right now, of course she wrote Asami she was going through a _lot_ just as Asami was rushed into a hospital for popping pills in her mouth, of course she didn't understand what ' _I'm_ _sorry_ ,' meant.

Asami didn't answer, she just put her phone down and sighed. It was so coincidental, Korra texting her for the first time since she left the _night_ she tried _to kill herself_ , what are the chances of _that_ happening? It was so _odd_ reading that Korra wasn't doing well when she's literally in a hospital, and though Asami was worried about Korra, she wasn't going to chase her around anymore.

Not to mention, she had _feelings_ to work out, or even move on from.

No matter what, Korra could _never_ _know_.

**_________**

Things seemed to be getting better.

Her friends kept their promise of hanging out with her everyday after school. Sometimes they'd study together, sometimes they'd just watch something, sometimes they'd just laugh together and sometimes they'd just sit quietly. Still, Asami was greatfull for the distraction, it _helped_ , she suddenly wasn't sure why she stopped hanging out with them before the... _Incident_.

Another new thing that happened, was that she started going to a _psychotherapist_. She was firmly against it at first, and when she started going she usually just sat down and stared at the clock. But when she realized that he was the only person she could talk to about anything without receiving _judgment_ , the only person she could talk to about... _Korra_ _,_ she started talking, or rather pouring out everything she felt.

She told him how lonely she was, she told him how much of a stranger she felt to herself, she told him what driven her to try to commit suicide, and he understood. When she told him she wasn't always comfortable talking with her father, her therepist suggested doing a few sessions with him, and after persisting, she agreed.

She loved her father, but she had to admit that he wasn't around as much as she'd like. Sometimes it's like she barely saw him at all.

He understood when she told him that at their joined session, he apologized and promised he'd try harder, which was more than she could ever ask for.

She also came out to him in said session, and that went... _Beautifully_. He just hugged her, really really tightly, and told her that he'll always love her no matter what.

She might've _cried_ a little. Well... _a lot_.

  
Then, was the _Korra_ thing.

Even so long after her friend's departure, she still felt this _way_. She didn't talk to Korra at all this _entire_ time, but she still couldn't stop thinking about her, she still got _butterflies_ thinking about her, about _touching_ her again, _kissing_ her.

How _pathetic_ was that?

Of course Asami had to go and fall in love with the _only person_ who'd _never_ look her way. Asami never had any problem getting whoever she wants, but when it came to Korra... She just wasn't good _enough_.

Though she appreciated her friends for sticking with her, she still desperatly needed her time alone Every now and then, and the theatre was the only place where she got some. She loved her friends and her father, and she knew her therepist helped too. But the theatre was an output for her grief and frustrations, not to mention, it helped her embrace her sexuality.

How did the theatre help with that you ask? Well, Asami had photographic memory, and she remembered the name of the scripter who wrote the play that made realize she's bisexual, and she started going to said scripter's other plays. It helped her feel like she wasn't _alone_ in this, it helped _educate_ her, helped her _understand_ what she was feeling better. It was quite _nice_.

" _Incredible_ , isn't it?" Someone spoke beside her, and she turned around, her green eyes meeting blue, but not the same blue as Korra's, they were a shade darker, and sharper.

"The play?" Asami asked, scanning the darker girl besides her. She seemed around her age, perhaps a year or two older, and her long brown hair was loose.

"Yeah," she affirmed, smiling softly, "I saw you around here a few times, you like the author?"

Asami heard the unheard message behind her words, the girl next to her was practically asking ' _Are you gay_?' Given that most if not _all_ of the plays by this author had _something_ to do with the lgbt community.

" _Yes_ ," Asami answered, not missing a bit. 

The other girl's smile widened, and she extended her hand for a handshake, "My name's Yannue, what's yours?"

Reluctantly, Asami shook her hand, "My name's Asami," she smiled back.

"A beautiful name for a beautiful girl," Yannue winked, making a vivid blush taint Asami's cheeks, "say, what are the chances that you are free Saturday night? I'd love to take out a gorgeous girl such as yourself."

Asami hesitated, unsure of what to answer. Yannue was attractive no doubt, but should she really go out while she's so hang up on Korra?

_Then again_ , maybe to get herself out there was exactly what she needed.

"I'd like that," Asami grinned right back, making sure she's giving the other girl the most _blinding_ smile she could manage.

The effect was immediate, Asami could see something in Yannue's eyes shift, and she kept her hand in place.

Apperanatly, Asami was dating again, it had to be some sort of _progress, right?_

________

Saturday came before Asami was even mentally prepared for it.

They exchanged numbers at the end of the play, and were texting ever since.

Yannue was nice enough– she was from the northern water tribe (it seemed as if Asami had a _type_ ) and liked writing and acting. Not to mention, she was _fascinated_ by engineering much like Asami, but _unlike_ Asami, knew _nothing_ about it.

Bolin was _estatic_ when he learned Asami was going on a date, so have Mako (the two recently became closer). Opal, however, seemed hesitant about the whole thing, but she assured that she is happy that Asami was getting out there, so Asami wasn't sure what was the problem.

Eventually, the two decided on getting some drinks together. They sat at the bar, babbling on and on, and the date was actually going pretty well, except for the fact that a few drinks in, Asami felt like it was going _nowhere_.

Maybe it was the comfortable _buzz_ she felt, maybe it was the _hazy_ state of her mind, but she knew she couldn't _persue anything_ at the moment.

Although, she _did_ think of a way in which Yannue _could_ help her.

" _Listen_ ," Asami cut her off, a little rudely, "I'm going to be completely _frank_ with you, I don't think I'm _emotionally available_ for anything at the moment."

For a moment, Yannue's face fell, " _Oh_."

"But, _um_..." The heiress blushed, fiddling with a lock of hair in her hands. "I-if you'd _like_... I'd love to move _this_ back to your apartment..."

The disappointment in her eyes faded away entirely, and was replaced with a darkened shade and a wide smirk, " _I'll get us a cab_ ," she said seductively, bringing her phone to her ear and stepping away for a moment.

Asami sighed, chugging down the remaining shots that were left on the table.

_She needed them._

________

Wasn't it _funny_ what her life had turned into?

That's the only thought that surged through her mind as she walked down the street, makeup smeared, heels in her hand, her dress lazily pulled onto her, not even zipped properly.

And also, _drunk_ beyond belief.

Asami wasn't only the _future CEO_ of her father's company, no, she was also _CEO of the walk of shame_.

Sex with a girl was way better then she expected it to be, but still, it left her feeling like an idiot. In her mind, every touch of tanned skin left her imagining another tanned girl, every look of blue eyes transformed into a lighter shade, every playful smile turned into a lovable lopsided grin.

She was disgusted with herself, disappointed. She fantasized about a person who didn't give _two shits_ about her, that _left_ her, that didn't take _her_ feelings into consideration.

Korra didn't talk to her in almost two years, so how come Asami's mind was _still_ locked on her? She couldn't stop _thinking_ about her?

It was too much. If Asami didn't tell her soon, she might explode.

So, without thinking, Asami unlocked her phone, clumsily dialling the number she memorized years ago.

_Ring..._

_Ring..._

_Ring..._

_Ring..._

_"We're sorry, the number you're trying to reach is unavailable. Please leave a voice message after the beep."_

_Beep!_

" _Heyyyyyy Korraaa_..."Asami slurred, a rolling laughter starting in her chest, " _Why_ the _shit_ did I expect you to answer?"

She waited for a response, but when it didn't came, she remembered she wasn't actually talking to anyone.

"I just had _sex_!" Asami informed, exclaiming loudly, "With a _girl_ no less! Did you know that I liked girls too? I sure _didn't_!"

At that, she turned a little quiet, _"I tried to kill myself when I found out_." She confessed in a small voice.

_She paused._

" _Boyyy_ , that got real _dark_ real _fast_ ," Asami giggled, shaking her head. "Anyway, how are you doing? I'm... _Unwell_ , in case you were wondering."

She stopped dead in her tracks, staring at the sky. 

"I don't think you're _wondering_ ," she mumured, "in fact, I doubt you'll even _listen_ to this message. But hey, I'm allowed to _dream_ , right?"

Taking a deep breath, Asami frowned. She didn't think this through, it was just a drunk call, but she needed it. She couldn't live with everything bottled up like this anymore, and she wasn't getting over Korra anytime soon, so maybe... Maybe that's what she needed, maybe she just needed to _tell her_ , get it off her chest. Maybe then, Asami would stop _feeling_ this _hollow_ , maybe this way Asami would finally find _peace_.

" _I hate you_." She stated, venom leaking from her tone. "I hate you _so_ _much_. And I know it's _unfair_ , you needed to leave, _logically_ , I know that. But my heart doesn't give _two shits_ about it. You were my _fucking world_ , and you _left me_ , with such ease and conviction too like I mean _nothing_ to you." She stopped.

"... Maybe I do mean _nothing_ to you," she mumured.

"Or maybe I _am_ important to you, _who knows_? It's not like you _talk_ to _me_ anymore, or _anyone_ really. You know how much that _hurts_? Probably not, because even if you do _care_ about me, you don't care _half as much_ as I care about you."

Then, Asami started laughing. It wasn't a happy laugh by any means, it was _bitter_ , and _sad_ , tainting her eyes with burning tears. "Don't you get it? You broke my _damn heart_! I fucking love you! I loved you for _years_ and you just left me alone! And now I can't _date_ anyone or _see_ anyone o-or _do anything_ with _anyone_ because how can I even _look at them_ when you're still _all_ that I think about?!"

Taking a deep breath, Asami felt herself calming down. With this off her chest, she immediately felt _lighter_ , better. So what if Korra wouldn't listen? She _said_ what she needed to say, and the confession felt so right.

" _Bye, Korra_ ," she finished off, "I hope you do get better soon."

And with that, she hang up, continuing with her walk home after leaving the voicemail.

A voicemail, that she remembered _nothing_ about the next day.

~~~~~~~~~~

_"Daddy, I'm alone,_  
_cause this house don't feel like home."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sure do have a weird thing for voicemails  
> I hope you enjoyed it! Let mw know what you think:)


	4. See you again- Wiz Khalifa

_What_ _now_ _?_

Asami stared blankly at her computer screen as she finished writing a few moments ago.

At some point, she decided to write her script in a form of a story, a tale. She changed the names of the characters and posted it anonymously, sharing with strangers what she felt she couldn't share with anyone else.

People liked it, telling her how _heartbreaking_ and _original_ it was, not really knowing what stood behind it. It was really a great output for her feelings, there was something so reliving about putting her feelings out there in a way that no one she knows could judge her, that no one she knows could find out.

In a wat that Korra wouldn't be able find how much she _meant_ to Asami, or how much she _hurt_ her.

It's been two years now, well, _around_ two years, and the feelings she found out she had for Korra didn't fade for a moment. Things were better now, even her therepist thought so, she didn't feel as numb, or as hollow anymore. She didn't cry herself to sleep, and she didn't have any impulsive urges to do something to herself, things were... _Normal_.

Not to say that she was completely and genuinely _happy_ , but maybe she just _wasn't_ a happy person in _general_.

They say everything happens for a reason, and though Asami didn't really believe it, or maybe only believed it to some extent, what she decided on is that it's not necessarily her job to _find_ those reasons, sometimes, it's better to just accept and move on.

Some questions go _unanswered_ , she might never fully understand _why_ Korra left the way she did, never understand _why_ she didn't contact her besides the one simple text she sent about a year ago, and that was okay.

Maybe she'll never know what happened to Korra at the end, and that was _okay_.

She knew she wasn't over Korra yet, and that was _okay_.

She knew that her mental health _still_ had a long way to go, and that was also _okay_.

She didn't talk about Korra as much, to her friends that is. To her therepist however, she probably mentioned it every session. After all, their friendships was still a huge part of her life, and with her being gone, there were bound to be emotions mixed in it all.

She also thought about Korra a lot, daydreaming about meeting her again, thinking about what she would say when she does. Will she be _happy_ _?_ _Mad_ _?_ _Numb_? Will she tell Korra _everything_ she went through when she was gone? Will she tell Korra how she felt about her? Will she be _furious_ or _estatic_?

Not that it mattered, as time went by, she started doubting that the day where Korra will come back at all.

She also dreamt about Korra a lot still, not as frequently as before, but every now and then she did. Her dreams usually involved the accident, but they _always_ consisted of a confession of her feelings, and Korra's confession too, as they say, she dreamt of a happy ending.

She knew the people that read what she was writing were expecting a happy ending too, but the thing is, Asami didn't really _get_ a happy ending. She just continued living as if nothing ever happened, because that's the harsh reality of life– they keep going, and if you get left behind, then you're a left behind, no matter what happens, you must always get yourself up.

Because _no_ _one_ will do this for you.

_______

"Good morning father," greeted Asami, rubbing sleep out of her eyes and sitting down next to the dining room table.

Putting his news paper down and smiling her way, her father nodded. "It _is_ a good morning," he affirmed with a wide smile, "you know why?"

"Uh," Asami blinked, " _pancakes_ _for_ _breakfast_...?" She questioned, somewhat hopefully.

Laughing, Hiroshi shook his head, "No, No," he chuckled, "it's been a _year_."

It took a few moments until Asami realized what he was talking about, but when she did, her eyes blew wide in surprise.

"Has it?" She asked, baffled.

"Yeah, it has."

"It feels so _long_ _ago_ ," Asami said, leaning against her backrest, "everything was so _different_ back then."

"How is it you're doing nowadays?" He asked in concern. "I know I'm not _always_ around, but I do care about you."

"I know, dad," she smiled softly, "I'm doing better now, I promise."

"I'm so _proud_ of you Asami," her dad said softly, "I'm so proud of the progress you're doing, and I'm so proud of you for making it."

Feeling tears starting to form in her eyes, the heiress looked away, "Isn't _not_ _trying_ to _kill_ _myself_ the bare _minimum_?" She said, guilty and bitter.

"Don't say that," he shook his head, "what happened happened, you have no reason to feel guilty about it, if anyone should, it's me."

She snapped her head in his direction, almost gaping from shock, "You?" She asked, "You didn't do anything wrong."

"I'm your father, Asami," he sighed, "I should've noticed that something was wrong... I'm sorry..."

"I didn't tell you," she insisted, "I didn't _want_ any help, I just wanted..." The words died in her throat.

I just wanted my _best_ _friend_ back.

"It doesn't matter," he said with a weak smile, "what's done is _done_ , there's no point in _dwelling_ on it, the important thing is to move on and get better, like you're doing."

Swallowing thickly, Asami nodded in agreement, wiping tears from her eyes.

"How about we celebrate?" Her dad suggested, "Let's go to a restaurant tonight, just the two of us."

"I uh... I _can't_... Tonight..." Asami admitted, "there's this _play_ I've been meaning to watch... I already have a ticket."

"Oh," her father said, slightly disappointed, "I'd suggest I go with you, but I know how _strict_ you are about going alone." He joked.

Chuckling, Asami replied "It's just personal to me."

"I get it," he threw his hands before his face in surrender, "so how about another day instead?"

She smiled, "Sounds perfect."

Then, the phone rang.

"Oh, sorry, it's Opal," Asami excused herself with an apologetic smile, going to the living room and answering the phone. "Hello?"

" _Heyyyyyy_ ," came Bolin's voice, " _what's up_?"

Asami blinked, double checking the caller ID and raising the phone back to her ear once she made sure she didn't get it wrong. "You're not Opal."

" _No, she slept in my place tonight_ ," he laughed, " _Mako's home to, you want to come over?"_

" _Oh_ , um, thanks for the invite," she said, "but I don't–"

" _If you're going to say you don't wanna intrude, then don't. You're not intruding! It's just that Opal and I are dating and Mako lives here..–"_

"No, no, I know," assured Asami, "it's just that... Um... Today is the um... It's the _anniversary_ of my... _Y'know_..."

" _Yeah, I know, but_ –"

" _Can you put her on speaker_?" Opal's voice cut him off

" _Shush, I'm talking to her now!_ "

" _C'mon_ _bro_ , " Mako said, " _we_ _wanna_ _talk to her too_!"

" _I don't wanna overwhelm her–_ "

" _Fuck it_." Opal said in annoyance, and then sounds of struggle came through the phone for a few moments.

" _Asami_?" Opal said.

"I'm here."

" _How are you doing_?"

" _I'm fine_ ," she sighed, " _I just can't believe it's been a year already._ "

" _You know we love you, right_? _We'll always have your back_." Mako's voice came.

"I do," she said, smiling to herself, "I love you guys too."

" _I wanted to throw you a suprise party_ ," Opal grumbled, " _but Mako said we don't know if you'll be upset with the anniversary or happy about it so..."_

"He has a point," admitted Asami, "I don't know, I _am_ happy I made it for so long, but then again I kinda wish I didn't _have_ to be happy about it..."

" _I get it_ ," Opal said assuringely, " _but everyone has their own journey to go through, and the important thing is that you're trying your best and getting better_."

" _We're so greatful for that, for you, for you trying and being here_." Bolin added, sounding on the verge of tears.

" _And if you need time alone today, we get it,_ " Mako said softly, " _but if you need a distraction or anything, we'd love to have you here, we can order pizza."_

"I appreciate it," she sighed, "but I really think I need to be alone right now..."

" _Yeah, okay, don't worry about it_ ," Opal assured, " _we're so glad you're still here Asami._

"Thanks guys, I love you."

" _We love you too_."

________ 

The play wasn't _great_.

Sighing and getting up from her seat, Asami contemplated her final thoughts on the preformence she just watched. She was meaning to watch it for a while, and had high expectations to it, but when it was done she couldn't help but feel slightly _disappointed_.

Over time, Asami grew _tired_ of happy endings, she always felt that they're so _predictable_ , but at the same time, weren't _realistic_ in the slightest. There's no such _thing_ as a _happy_ _ending_ in real life, so why was every author so _eager_ to write one? 

Sometimes she wished it all was just more _realistic_ , or maybe she was just _jealous_ of the characters in the story. Either way, she'd like to see just a blank ending sometimes, an ending that reflects how life move on, an ending that isn't _really_ an ending.

Not to say that she wanted a _bad_ ending, she always grew attached to the characters, but still, she wanted to relate to a play she's watching on a personal level, and that... That just wasn't _it_.

She finally found her way out of the theatre with her eyes glued to her phone, she didn't bring her car out here so she had to call a cab now. She started typing the phone number, until something stopped her.

" _Asami_?"

Freezing, Asami stood upright. Was she dreaming _again_? It didn't really feel like a dream...

Pinching herself and _wincing_ from the slight stab of pain, Asami realized it _wasn't_ a dream, so she had to be _hallucinating_ , it couldn't...

"Asami? _Please_ look at me..."

It couldn't be _real_.

Turning around catiously, she came face to face with Korra, who was standing just a safe distance away from her. There was something so very _different_ about her, her hair was now much _shorter_ and fell just beneath her chin, she was _skinnier_ then she used to be, and she seemed more... _Mature_ , _tired_. But she smiled through it, an _adorable_ _sad_ and _apologetic_ smile.

And she was _standing_.

"You can _walk_?" Was the only thing Asami managed to get out, feeling her heartbeat picking us and her breath stopping altogether.

Korra blinked, then let out a soft laughter of relief that made Asami's heart skip a beat. "I can," she nodded in affirmation, "I only just finished rehab though... So I am a little _clumsy_."

"How did you find me?" Asami asked, only allowing a small hint of _bitterness_ to display in her tone, hoping that Korra wouldn't catch that.

But, _of_ _course_ she did.

Flinching slightly, Korra sighed. "I went to your house, your father told me I'll find you here."

" _Oh_ ,"

_Pause_.

"How are you?" Korra asked, breaking the silence. "Are you doing better now?"

Blinking, Asami tilted her head in confusion. "Doing _better_ _?"_ She questioned, "What do you mean?"

"You... You left me a _voice_ _message_..." Korra started, somewhat nervously. "You don't _remember_?"

Asami's eyes widen, _when_ did she do that? What did she _say_ in it? _What_ _the_ _hell_ _?_ " _What_?" She asked, dumbfounded.

"Well... You did sound _pretty_ drunk..." Korra mumured in response, "It was a few weeks ago... You um... You _confessed_ a few things to me."

"Like what?"

"You told me you tried to kill yourself."

Anxiety and panic started bubbling inside her, her palms turned sweaty and her hands were slightly shaking. "Y-you weren't s-supposed t know t-that..."

Sighing, Korra allowed herself to step forward a little, but when Asami flinched, she stopped.

" _I'm_ _sorry_ I wasn't here," she said, and Asami wasn't sure but she thought she saw Korra's eyes _glassy_ with tears. "I should've been there for you."

_Really_? So why _weren't_ you? Why weren't you _talking_ _to_ _me_? Why are here now, supposedly _weeks_ after I left the voicemail?

"I-it was a long time ago," Asami's voice shook, "a lot has changed since then."

_Silence_.

"You told me you're _bi_." 

Again, that caught Asami off guard.

"I did _what_?" Asami demanded, frightened.

"Are you? Or was it just a _drunk_ _statement_?" Korra asked, and Asami could've sworn there was some hopefulness in her tone.

"I..." Asami started nervously, taking in a deep breath. "I _am_."

"Okay," Korra nodded, then hesitated for a moment, "there's... _Another_ thing you said there..."

"Oh _god_ where does it end?" Asami groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose. "What is it this time?"

"You... You told me that _you_ _love_ _me_."

Asami gasped, blushing furiously and shooting her hand to the gaping mouth. Her heartbeat was pounding in her ears as panic risen within her. She never thought she'd confess to Korra about her feelings, but she _knows_ now... _She_ _fucking_ _knows_...

"I _really_ hope that still applies because..." She started nervously, not making any eye contact, " _I_ _love_ _you_ _too_ _._ "

Once again, her breath stilled and she froze. She wasn't sure if she heard Korra correctly, it didn't feel like she did. So once again she pinched herself, and once again, it was proven to be reality.

"Y-you love me?" Asami asked in complete shock, not feeling convinced in the slightest.

"I mean, _yeah_ ," she rubbed her neck nervously, "is it really _that_ surprising? I already told you, remember? Just before the accident."

She vaguely remembered Korra telling her that, but at the time she just assumed it was a friendly confession, and after she _figured_ her feelings out... Well, she barely remembered it happening, given the events that have taken place after it.

_But_ _..._ _Still_ _..._

"You _love_ _me_?" Asami repeated quietly, her heart racing and racing. She searched in her blue eyes, looking for anything that would indicate that she was _lying_ , _joking_ around. But she never seen Korra this _genuine_ , and it excited her just as much as it scared her.

" _Of_ _course_ I love you, Asami." she smiled sadly, once again stepping forward, but this time, Asami allowed it. "I loved you ever since I met you, back when you were dating Mako."

Choking out a laughter, Asami shook her head and dropped her gaze to the floor. "Right, that's why you proceeded to _date_ _Mako_ _?"_ She asked sarcastically.

"I told myself that it's _him_ I want, it was.... _Easier_." she explained, using her thumb to wipe away a tear Asami didn't know she was shedding. "But after a while it was obvious that I was jealous of _him_ and not _you_."

She paused.

"Then, years later, we went to the gym together," she continued, "and I decided that this was the day I tell you everything, and I did. But you didn't get it, and then..."

"The accident." Asami whispered.

Gulping, Korra nodded, blinking away tears. "I felt so _broken_ and useless, and in my _fucked up mind_ I saw your misunderstanding of my words as _rejection_... So I left. Partially to heal, but also because I needed to move on."

She inhaled deeply.

"But then," she continued, looking at Asami directly in the eyes, " _you_ called me and left that voice message, and _god_ Asami I was so so worried, I wanted to come here but I..." The words died in her throat. "I _still_ couldn't walk _properly_ , I still wasn't good enough for you."

"You were _always_ good enough for me," Asami whispered, so quietly that she wasn't sure Korra even heard her.

"You know I called Opal?" She continued, pulling her nose. "She knew how I felt about you this entire time by the way. And I called her after not talking to her for almost two years, sobbing and making her _promise_ me that she won't let _anything_ happen to you."

" _I'm sorry_." Asami choked out.

"No, _don't_." She shook her head, smiling lovingly. "I'm _so happy_ you told me, both because I'm happy that you're _sharing_ , and because I needed that _slap_ in the face to get my _shit_ _together_. Because if _Asami Sato_ is _hurting_ because of _me_ , I _have_ to make it up to her. And if Asami Sato loves me, then I have to be able to _walk_ up to her and tell her that _I love her too_. So please, _please_ tell me I'm not _too_ _late_ , please tell me you _still_ feel something for me... _Please_..."

Asami stared blankly at Korra, taking in the new information. Korra made _sure_ she was okay, Korra learned to walk for _her_ , Korra _cared_ about her.

Korra _loved her_.

" _Kiss me_." The demand fell from her lips before she was able to stop and consider it further. But when she saw the look of bliss and relief on Korra's face, she knew she said the right thing.

She watched her former best friend smile, inching closer and closer, until their lips were just a few sentimeters away, their breaths mixing together. Asami's heart was beating with _excitement_ and _impatience_ , waiting anxiously for Korra to close the distance between them.

Then, _thankfully_ , she _did._

The soft brown lips she dreamt about all these years _finally_ rested on her own, and the sensation was better then anything she could ever hope for. Though the kiss was just that, just a simple kiss on the lips, it felt more _incredible_ then Asami could've ever hoped for. Their lips moved together in rythem, making fireworks explode behind Asami's eyes as it felt like the kiss was going on forever.

She whimpered at the loss of warmth as soon as Korra pulled away, and she opened her eyes, coming face to face to a now fully _crying_ Korra, though she still had a dreamy happy smile on her lips.

"I'm so _happy_ you _failed_ Asami," she whispered, "I'm so happy you're still here. I don't know what I would've done if..." Her voice broke.

Asami was still heaving, feeling the ghost of Korra's lips on hers.

She didn't know _what_ the future held for her, she didn't know what will happen with Korra, she didn't know what will happen with herself. All she knew is that after a long fight, things were starting to _look up_ , she was getting better, happier, and though she still wasn't 100% yet, she was finally at peace. And against all odds, Korra was here, and she felt the same way as Asami. 

And if Asami had succeeded, she would've never known how much better she could become, never would've seen the improvement she felt would never come.

"I'm glad I failed too," she said softly.

And she _meant it._

Laughing with relief and sniffling, Korra leaned in again, " _I love you_." She mumbled against her lips.

" _I love you too_ ," Asami managed to get out before Korra closed the distance again.

Maybe at the end, Asami _did_ believe in happy endings, maybe they weren't as _absurd_ as she might've been led to believe.

All she knew for a _fact_ , is that the story she wrote needed _serious_ _editing_.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

_"What's small turned to a friendship,_   
_a friendship turned to a bond_   
_and that bond will never be broken,_   
_the love will never get lost."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, on a serious note for a second.
> 
> As I said, a lot of it is based on real things I used to think and feel and such.And one thing I really hated was people who told me it's going to get better, bc what do they know? They don't know what I'm going through, they don't understand.
> 
> Well, if u related to any of the thing's I wrote, then I get it, I understand. I've been there.
> 
> So, take it from someone who understands– it gets so much better. And maybe I don't know what will happen in your future, buyt, won't it be interesting to find out?


End file.
